Could u give me soem feedback on this poem?

Somethings wrong


i cant turn


I cant stop


THis cant be right





The sun is beating down


What a beautiful day


no a cloud in sight


dinner is waiting on the table





my head hit the sidewalk


with a deathly crunch


My skin pealing away


Pavement, thats my sight





My skin is burning


I feel warmth on my sholder


I hear his voice


he runs to my side, unstable





Its all sureal


Every thing is a blur


People asking questions


This must be a dream





He wishpers in my ear


Youll be okay


They will be hear any second


So brave he was





Never left my side


Holding my hand


While tears rolled down my face


He said he loves me





I wake up


In the recovery room


My neck and hip were cut open


No i understand all the fuss





It wasnt a dream


It was my life


I was watching in disbelief


Its something that now repeats


Every time i Sleep

Could u give me soem feedback on this poem?
U r telling abt class that is when teacher teaches in a class,how any student feels...!!!


for ex:- u cant stop teaching of ur teacher in between.


u will feel warmth,bored.


u cant see clouds in side the class room.


U will always waits for the dinner(tiffin box which looks like waiting for u).


U can hear his(teacher's) voice and he runs towards u asking many questions...


Then u start crying because u dont know the answer...


Then friend is the one who holds ur hand and tells u that u r the best and no worries.... because he truly loves u....


So this is not a dream but which happens every day in ur life....


Ha Ha Ha ....how did i connect ur poem with my own poetic thinking?


I dont know abt wat u thought and wrote this poem,......


Any how Iam simply joking.....


Ur poem is simply superb.....Keep it up......


U have good talent....
Reply:this is really good! did u write it yourself?
Reply:girl i am diggin that


poem i like it !! you keep it up with the poems you going to


get some where with that kind of talent
Reply:its good
Reply:As a poet I really think it's good. There are a few things you may need to re-word and be careful with your spelling. Other than that it's great. Good Job.
Reply:its really gooddo you have other poems..
Reply:it's good...and it's quite often helpful to write about your own experiences.
Reply:Did you want feedback on the poem or what is meant to contain?





The poem's very good and well constructed, but what bothers me is that you still have these inner scars that appear to be bothering you. You must try to put the accident behind you. Maybe you should try a similar exercise and actually write down everything that happened that day including all you thoughts and fears. Don't hold back on it no matter how hard. Write of your helplessness, write of your anger.





When it is complete look at it hard and then burn it. Then never return back there in your memory. Move on and write some beautiful poetry about the better side of life.
Reply:It's good, but I would watch the spelling mistakes and lack of apostrophes...Here are some corrections...


1st line- Something's or something is


2nd and 3rd- can't


4th line- this


7th line- not


14th line- shoulder


17th line- It's and surreal


18th Everything is one word


20th line- whispers


21st line- You'll


22nd line- here, not hear


31st line- Now, not no


32nd line- wasn't


35th line- It's