What do you think of my song?

“Down he Falls”





Quiet boy


Friendless boy


Ready to give in


His mission: to destroy.





Last day of school


He’s out the door


With his father’s .32


Ready to score.





He was a lonely boy


Beat up in school


Terrorized child


With no one to turn to.





He’s angry


The world couldn’t careless


And he’s left alone


In his distress.





Close your eyes


I’ll make it better


The nights are getting colder everyday


We need you here


Although you might not know it


I know it’s hard to see through this fog


I promise


I’ll do anything.





1st bell rings


His time of calling


There he goes


He’s falling, he’s falling.





The halls are left bloody


And the windows, they’re shattered


It’s hard to see through these tears


And it’s hard to hear over the screams


We hear sirens in the distance


They get closer every second.





One last gun shot


Travels down the halls


The one he saved for his skin


Down he falls.





(note from me *hang on...not finished. the entire thing wont fit*)

What do you think of my song?
I can't give you much feedback as a songwriter, because I still have not conquered that field myself, even though I'm trying to, but from a poet's stand point, i think it was excellent. Everything flowed and fit together and nothing seemed forced. This issues in this song obviously mattered to you, because your emotions are clear, its raw and real and sad and glorious all at once, its like a window into your world. I wish you good luck and success if you decide to go ahead and try to persue a singing career, would you mind posting what instruments you plan to use with this? I was curious, i thought a guitar and maybe a piano depending on the tempo on the song, but i was curious...
Reply:Made me cry...
Reply:oh when will you finish this?





are you angry on someone?
Reply:It's kind of pointless and stupid
Reply:its awesome how you can put words together like tht but its very sad
Reply:You're one hellofva emo...
Reply:It's great...i liked it a lot.


If you write poetry or fiction often, you should try and publish them in some sites, to see if you get some feedback as well...


www.fictionpress.com is one of the most famous.
Reply:Umm its more of a poem then a song ...but its cool... maybe u should start writing poems...
Reply:wow...wow. that's amazing and i really like it. i'm a poet/songwriter and i'm in the group of people that gets made fun of/beat up. i've only gotten hit a few times, never badly hurt and don't take it personally, but alot of my friends do. i wouldn't shoot up the school or anything like that, but i can see know how damaging it is, and i really wish people would just stop. i totally agree with your viewpoint, and i wish you the best of luck on writing this song and hopefully many more to come.