How Can I Make my poem beter?

Teardrops slice your velvet cheeks.


Your breath shortened by your sobs.


The whole world is fading right between your arms.


You've had enough, you can't go on.


You fall to the floor, and the day has begun.


Makeup goes on, and hides the cuts n' tears.


Masking the true you, and all the pain you've been through.


The outside wind sweeps through your hair.


Sun soaked skin, and baby blue eyes.


Feeling lost in despair, with nothing to repair.


He smiles, and for a second, life is perfect.

How Can I Make my poem beter?
I would switch the subject. Instead of "your", use "his" or "hers".





If the reader doesn't feel this way, the poem does nothing. However, if it is about a third party, the reader will better empathize.





Oh, and don't use "my". It is usually seen as overly emo and turns most readers off.
Reply:add more to it
Reply:Just put your heart in it. Don't be afraid to say what you really feel!
Reply:your poem is good it make sense...to create a better poem all you do is to consentrate,focus on what you are writing...i was inspire with your poem your such a good writer...more consentration...